Bible Study and the conversations during and afterward really made me think this morning. Do I spend too much time trying to change someone or evangelize someone so they may know Christ? Shouldn’t our prayers be “God help me to exude you in such a way that others may see you and come to know you? God help me show only the kind of love you can give in order for hardened hearts to be changed?” God’s in the business of fixing broken hearts. Shouldn’t that be our business then if we are to be growing to be more and more like Him on our Christian walk with Him? When I first walked in the doors of AA I was told that I shouldn’t try to figure it out. The intellectuals don’t make it. Well to that’s a lot like how I need to be living out my faith. Faith is believing in something I can’t see. When I get wrapped up in where something is placed in my space of corporate worship or get hung up on how people are worshiping around me or stuck in the rules or laws of a specific religion or on how things are supposed to be done than I’m trying to hard to figure it all out intellectually. If I were to spend that same amount of energy in getting to know God my Father I’d be a whole lot better off. Mercy isn’t meant for us to figure out. It’s meant for us to have. Grace isn’t meant for us to try to understand. It’s meant for us to receive. When we can stop trying to figure things out & intellectualize everything we can start living like God would have us live. I have to surrender my pride and my plans so the world will see only the Holy Spirit living and working through me. In His time (not mine) others heart others will be softened and yet others will be brought to faith in Jesus Christ that leads to their salvation. I think too many of us attend churches where the pews are filled with people who are hurting so bad, but trying so hard to figure out what it is their neighbor has. I only know this because I used to be the one asking all these questions trying to figure it all out.

Ok, so I was just speaking with someone Tues night about how even in my freedom because of Christ’s death on the cross I still find myself debating with God when He asks something of me. A few weeks ago the Christian radio station I tune in was having their pledge drive. I often feel compelled to give every time they have one, but never have. This time very early on I heard from God that I was supposed to give $100 and as I pushed back at God about how much that was He revealed He meant monthly. I thought that was just out of the question and even told Him so. I crunched numbers and tried to figure out where in my budget I would be able to come up with this amount of money monthly and couldn’t see it. A couple of days went by and each time I turned on the radio I felt God tugging at me or nudging me. I happened to wake up bright and early one morning and heard that day on the radio the request for $100 right through my radio. I could no longer deny God. I logged online to give my one time gift of $100, but through the course of filling out the form came to the money part. The one time gift would come out immediately and wasn’t a pledge. I didn’t have that amount to give right then and wouldn’t have it until the pledge drive was all over. I knew I was supposed to give so I went ahead and pledged the $100 monthly. A peace came over me that He has asked me to do this so He will provide for me to do this. It took 2 days of debating with God. He’d asked me to give before, but He’d never been so clear about how much. In my eventual obedience I was eventually blessed. Within 2 days of my giving I was able to pay off my college loans that I’d been paying on for 12 years and weren’t due to pay off until the fall and I paid off my knee surgery that I had in ’04 which wasn’t scheduled to be paid off until Dec. God is Good!

For the last two weeks a devotion I read has focused on being open in worship and this last week on surrender. I do not find it ironic at all that God is leading me into this as a new season in my life. I required being closed and cold to survive the things God has brought me through in my life, but He is training me to live a new way. Being closed & cold no longer suits me and it keeps me separated from the body of Christ & from God. It’s definitely not easy for me as it is not something I am accustomed to, but because it is of God I am sensing that it is going to be well worth it in the long run. So as I am working on not debating first with God when He asks something of me, I’ve started this blog. Letting people in on what God is working on in my life and not living closed or hidden or secret. What is God working on in your life? Will you join with me on this journey of growing closer to God? I’m looking forward to the days, weeks, months, & years ahead as we head out on this adventure together! I pray you will help keep me accountable to what God is asking of me and allow me to do the same for you. My grandfather always quoted “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Are you going to rejoice with me on this adventure/journey to complete surrender & openness?